Remembering Dad; A Man with few words and Huge heart

Daddy

The memories I have of my father are ones filled with kind words and loving gestures.

Growing up in a large family being the youngest, has been nothing but shear JOY. From in-house games to fun road trips, I can say I had a fun childhood.

Though its been 11 years since I last saw my father, the images of those last moments are very vivid and ever so clear.

I remember the first day he had to go to the hospital for a check up, then i had just finished with my secondary education and was excited about the next phase- going into the university. I had little or no worries because daddy was around.

I remember going with him to the hospital a few times, each time I thought " well, this should be the last one".

By this time, I had all my forms and documents that my father had carefully gone through to avoid any errors. half way through the school process, my father had to spend a night in the hospital because, well, the doctor needed to observe him a bit closely as i got to find out and I thought- that can't be so bad.

I remember we went to church the week after for prayers and my father decided to remain in the church for a little while, I'm thinking he wanted to spend some time with God and just talk to him.

The days went by so quickly that before anyone knew it, my father had the need to suddenly be taken to the hospital again, I can barely recall the events that took place in between.

The next thing I know, my father had to be admitted into the hospital fully as he wasn't getting better. I remember the day I went with my mom to visit, at this time the tension had grown in the house because daddy wasn't going come home just yet, we were a bit dis-oriented because my dad was never away from the house for longer than few hours. At this point all the things I was doing with him regarding my admission into the university came to a screeching halt.

I remember going to visit him from time to time and as time went by he was slowly becoming a shadow of himself, on one of my visits to him I decided to stay, I decided to sleep in the hospital with him.

The hours quickly turned into days and into weeks and then the doctors tells us, my father has to undergo a serious surgery to remove a growth that was found in his tracts.

The next few days were a blur, all i remember is waiting for my father to come out of the theater and just being around to make sure he was ok and to help with anything i could. The surgery was successful, the growth was removed and i thought, finally we could go home and then I could get all my school details sorted out.

As the days went by in his recovery room, my dad would ask me to sing for him as he lay on his bed. I love to sing so i was more than ready to do so, and so I belted out with the best voice i had, Oh! Lord my God, When I'm in awesome wonder, consider all the works thy hands had made.... I would go on till i noticed he had fallen asleep.  

June 4th 2001 unlike any other day, my dad was so full of life and energy, he decided he wanted to get up and go outside for some air. For the first time in days after the surgery he seemed to have made a full recovery, I remember the joy and relief I felt. I was smiling so hard, I couldn't have been more happier at that moment. We chatted for a while, he asked to read a the newspaper, just like he normally did everyday when we were back home. I felt this huge weight lifted from my spirit. I was so happy, I couldn't wait to go home. My father was well again.

The day went by slowly as we hung out together, and then towards the evening I realized the tone of our conversation slightly took a more serious turn. He began to thank me for moving in and staying with him through the weeks and the surgery. I told him that I couldn't have had it any other way and that I was happy that he was now better so we could go home. He said and I quote "Thank you Koko, God bless you, I am happy you are here. God bless you." Those words were music to my ears, I could feel the sincerity and the depth of where it came from. I was just so happy my father was well again.

The night went by as usual, I sang for him and we went to sleep.

The next day June 5th 2001, I woke early for some reason. I usually slept on a slim mattress just beside his bed. He heard me and noticed he was awake but didn't seem to be as lively as he was just the day before. I thought maybe he was just tired.

It was morning and I was going about our daily routine of fixing meals and putting out the medication he had to take etc. Then he asked me to come and sing for him, this was a bit unusual because we would normally finish with our routine before doing anything else. By this time it was almost 9:00 am in the morning, the nurses had come for the regular check up and I noticed they mentioned having to call the doctor in to take a look at my father. At this point, I become a bit worried why the nurses would want to call in the doctor. 

So as they left the room. sitting right next to him on his bed holding his hands, I began to sing :

O Lord my God,

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all

The world Thy Hand hath made,

I see the stars,

I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy pow'r throughout

The universe displayed; 

Then sings my soul,

My Saviour God, to Thee,

How great Thou art!

How great Thou art!

Then sings my soul,

My Saviour God, to Thee,

How great Thou art!

How great Thou art!

I kept repeating the chorus, and by this time it was past 9 o'clock in the morning. I looked over to my father as he lay with his eyes closed and I thought he had fallen asleep again. Then suddenly I felt this heaviness in the room, I knew something was not right. I dropped his hands gently trying not to wake him and decided to say a little prayer.

As I came closer to take a look at him, just then i realized that I wasn't hearing him breath and it hit me. I stood transfixed for several minutes. 

All i remember after that is running downstairs to call the nurses, on getting there i saw them with the doctor and i told him, "I don't think my father is breathing". He gave the nurses some sort of knowing look as though they knew something.

As we all went back to the room where my father lay, I watched with extreme hope for a different outcome as the doctor performed all the necessary procedures from feeling the wrist for a pulse, to behind his ear and using the stethoscope on his chest, then he stood back silently for a few seconds and then he turned to me and said " My dear, your father just passed away". It was 9:45am. 

I stood there confused, I wasn't quite aware of what had just happened. I didn't know how to react or what to think. I was just chatting with him yesterday and today he was no more? 

All I remember after that is calling my mom as I watched the nurses pull a white sheet over my fathers head.

I had lost my best friend, I had lost my loving father... flashes in glossy screen of the day before, the times he came to visit me back in secondary school, all those times he would always leave some of his food for me, he never finished his meal... he always left something for me. They all came rushing through my mind as I sat alone in this room waiting for my family to arrive. 

Those final words has stock to me ever since. " Thank you Koko, God bless you. I am happy you are here, God bless you".

This note is to a man that cared and everywhere he was, people only had good things to say about him. I remember him today through the eyes of a child and I can say now as a young woman, my father was and still is a great man. I only pray to be even half as kind and loving as he was to me and everyone that came in contact with him. Though I wish I had a bit more time to spend with him, the little I've learnt from him has been a guiding light. He once told me, never disregard anyone, treat everyone with love and respect.

Daddy I hope I've made you proud, even though I cry now that you are no more, I am happy to have had the rare privilege to call you Dad.

I will sing your song today, I know you are up there smiling down on me. I love you even more now as I loved you then. Rest in Perfect Peace.

Sunday Williams:  21 Sept. 1934 - 5th June. 2001